This Richmond Dad Is Showing The "True Colors" Of LGBT Families

Every parent knows that at some point, their child may become infatuated with a movie, a book, or even a toy that perpetuates gender stereotypes and heteronormative relationships. Through various marketing techniques, shades of pink and glitter entice young girls while loud cars and sports call to young boys. Society often portrays girls like princesses, beautiful but sometimes helpless, and boys as princes, fearless and brawny. 

After some imaginary play with his daughter, therapist and local author Mark Loewen decided that it was time to break free from limiting narratives. He wanted to develop a story for boys and girls that encompassed diversity, inclusion, and empowerment.

He would read children’s books to his daughter that portrayed LGBT families, but she grew tired of them. Loewen’s daughter told him that she wanted to read about girls who do cool stuff--children’s books featuring same-sex parents often revolve around the topic of the family’s structure and dynamics. Loewen’s daughter found these types of books to be repetitive. 

“After just a few months, my daughter and I had a conversation about princesses, and how they are actually leaders and politicians. I created this story for her where we associated the princess's body with what it can do, instead of just how pretty it looks to others,” Loewen said. 

“We drew [the] head and talked about how smart she was, instead of what her hair looked like. We talked about princesses who had to fight, as we drew her strong arms. And we talked about a princess's determination when we drew her legs.”

Loewen is no stranger to limited narratives--he grew up in a religious community in Paraguay. His knowledge of the LGBTQ community was limited, most of what he knew was learned from the Bible. He was a teenager when he had his first encounter with another gay man, who eventually committed suicide. Loewen started sinking into a deep depression in his early 20s and he knew that he had to leave Paraguay. 

He applied to some graduate programs overseas and came to the United States at 25 years old to pursue a degree in counseling. Loewen had heard of conversion therapy in the U.S. and he had hoped to get into therapy and become heterosexual so he wouldn’t have to worry about coming out. 

“Thankfully, my counseling professors helped me understand that conversion therapy wasn't actually a therapy, and no one was being converted to anything,” Loewen said. “At the same time, I met the first openly gay people I had ever met. And they seemed happy! I had no idea someone could be gay and live a happy life. The idea of a gay person who felt fulfilled and loved themselves was a foreign concept to me.” 

He added, “So, through some real counseling, and many conversations with very supportive friends and family, I learned to accept myself. I went back to Paraguay to come out to my parents. That was probably the hardest thing I ever did in my life. I literally thought they would die. But they didn't.” 

When Loewen came back from Paraguay, he met the man who would end up becoming his husband. They’ve been together for 12 years and they adopted their daughter through open adoption, which allows her to remain in contact with her birth family.  

Loewen has discovered that being a therapist and being a parent are two very different roles. For him, it is easier to understand other people’s children as a therapist and he doesn’t set the limits he has to set as a parent.

“... being a therapist and a parent is definitely a blessing and a curse. I'm able to support her in ways that I learned from sitting with clients,” Loewen said. “And I'm also often overdoing it! So we'll have to wait and see how my daughter turns out …”

When Loewen writes, he pulls from his experience as a therapist working with children. His stories reflect the emotional processes that characters go through. He also has a better understanding of how children process their thoughts and feelings because of his educational background.

After the release of his book, “What Does a Princess Really Look Like?” in 2018, Loewen’s publisher suggested a coloring book to complement the book. The coloring book, “The True Colors of a Princess,” has activities and coloring pages to further support diversity, inclusion, and empowerment. 

“I had also been talking about how there are actually no coloring books that show LGBT Families. I mean, there is one,” said Loewen. “One only! So I talked to an illustrator (who asked to remain anonymous because of personal reasons), and we started working on the ‘Celebrating LGBT Families’ series.”

“The True Colors of Family,” the first in the coloring book series, is hitting shelves on March 23 and there will be two more volumes in the series that will follow. The books will feature coloring pages of families with two moms, two dads, single parents, and even childless families. 

“Growing up, I would have never thought that I could be as happy as I am today. That I’d findlasting love, that I’d live as an openly gay man, that my husband and I would raise a beautiful, intelligent little girl,” Loewen said. “These were ideas I never thought possible, and that’s tragic. I never want another child to feel that they’re alone or that their future can’t be everything they hope for.”

When Loewen isn’t writing children’s books, he is spending time with his husband and daughter at the River or at concerts like RiverRock or Second Street Festival. 

“The True Colors of Family” is available for purchase at all online retailers and locally at Chop Suey Books.